Thursday, May 22, 2025

Dear ADA, and The State of Utah; The State of Our Country is Failing Many

     After many months of searching for a job I feel comfortable, passionate, and safe working in, I finally got approved to be a substitute teacher. I felt nervous stepping back into classrooms not only because of past traumas that I am still working through, but also because being a teacher is scary - Needing to be on, and prepared to help the growing generations learn information that will help them make change in the world to come is a lot of pressure to put on (underpaid) teachers. 

    Anyway, I did my due diligence in making sure that the substitute company that hired me had Nova's emotional support animal documentation and that she is a necessary part of my every day life; She accompanies me everywhere I go as a way for me to better maintain health and stability in managing my disabilities/diagnosis of traumas. I made it through the entire hiring process and accepted my very first assignment as a teachers aid. I showed up to the school an hour before my assigned time. Nova lay quietly within her backpack and did not cause any disruptions as I read a book, waiting to be guided from the front office to the classroom to meet the teacher and students I would be helping serve that day. An administrator came over to inform me that my "pet" would not be allowed inside any of the schools within the district and that they would not make any exceptions for an Emotional Support Animal because the ADA (American's with Disabilities Act) does not recognize ESA, or cats for that matter, as an acceptable healing animal. 

    My ability to provide for myself and Nova is threatened because an act designed to stop discrimination against humans with disabilities does not see me within its bill of rights. 

    My ability to find and keep safe housing is threatened because I cannot find a job that will allow me to bring Nova with me - therefore, causing further distress to a disabled person who has just come from homelessness, and needs stability in order to find more peace within my healing journey. 

    Becoming homeless this past February due to continued sexual and labor trafficking - despite my active participation within an aftercare program designed to help liberated survivors of trafficking - I faced adversity when it came time to travel everywhere with Nova. We became more bonded then I ever dreamed possible between a cat and her human mom. 

  • We survived a trafficking attempt because she triggers my built in mom instincts and I knew that I had to get her and myself out of the situation. 
  • We survived being turned away from every SLC homeless shelter - walking until sunrise to stay warm and not become a target by falling asleep somewhere unsheltered/unsafe. 
  • We survived another domestic violence attack/sexual assault and memory flashbacks of other domestic violence attacks/sexual assaults that we had experienced every year without cognitive memories - we trusted the local police authority - and finally found peaceful rest in a place that accepted both Nova and myself. 

    While staying at the short term shelter, Nova and I continued to stay with each other - her always in a harness attached to a leash, and always in her backpack when we left the shelter for outside activities. The healing that has taken place within my physical body, emotional brain, rational brain, the ways my triggers/flashbacks are better because of her energetic intuition to comfort me while I am experiencing the flashback/trigger have all come about in greater quality since I have 100% kept her by myside. 

    This experience reminded me of when I was homeschooled and experienced anxiety whenever it came time to focus on school work. I had a hamster as a "pet" and would put her in my training bra while I studied. She slept peacefully, and her warmth near my heart chakra helped me to overcome my anxiety and to study more effectively. Animals of all shapes and sizes have the ability to help us heal as human beings; So why is it that The American's with Disabilities Act - a civil rights law designed to prohibit discrimination based on disabilities - is failing me, and others like me? (The ADA only accepts dogs and miniature horses as acceptable service animals).

    Emotional Support Animals are recognized within the Fair Housing Act - so its easy to argue that I can find a place to rent and leave Nova there while I go work 8-12 hour shifts. 

    Besides the already mentioned elevated quality of life I experience while having her with me - She is safer while I am around to be her big protector. The argument I often use is: "You wouldn't leave your new born baby unattended while at work - or ever- so why would I leave mine?". 

    Part of my disability/trauma management is the active need to be a mother to her. All of my children have been sold/ adopted out of my arms without my consent or knowledge AND some of those lost children are the direct result of a family member raping me and a pregnancy resulting from that rape. 

    I have left her alone, un-attended within my apartments, in the past while I attended work. My ability to manage my disabilities, and trauma flashbacks was harder for me while away from her. While she was alone, abusers had direct access to her, and subsequently she was harmed physically, and sexually while I was away from her. Her behavior has radically improved and her overall wellbeing is elevated since the discovery of abuse and safety steps implemented to keep her safe.  

Not only have I faced social discrimination within searching for a job, I was recently asked to leave a four week finances for women course before the start of week 3's class because a member of the class had called to complain about Nova being with me. I was filled with reckless emotions upon receiving the news that I was no longer welcome to attend the class and was better able to regulate those emotions because I had Nova with me and needed to keep us safe until we were able to take the bus back home. 

Ways that she directly impacts the management of my disabilities and trauma triggers: 

  1. She grounds me when I am experiencing dissociation or when my littles are scared. She does this by intentionally rubbing against my leg until my energy shifts and I am not longer dissociating, laying on my chest, womb area, next to my body between my arm and side body, or sitting on my lap.
  2. Uses energy healing to help me release stuck energy in my body: She self initiates these energy releases by putting pressure on the part of my body that is energetically stuck, I feel the energy release, I experience a physical release - i.e. crying, vocally, body tremors, etc. 
  3. Comforts me with touch when I cannot except it from myself or others. 
  4. Reminds me to take care of myself, and her needs. I have trained her to ring a bell when she has a physical need - to help differentiate between her needs and my own. 
  5. Training her to be carried in a baby front carrier has brought the pieces of me that have lost children immeasurable comfort and energetic healing. 
  6. She knows exactly when to snuggle me and purr - a proven healing frequency - during migraine attacks, dissociation, flashbacks, when I am emotionally unbalanced, Restless or unable to sleep due to insomnia. 
  7. She keeps me from making irrational, unsafe, impulsive decisions; I no longer find myself at a random bar at 11PM at night, or accepting an invitation for a spur of the moment activity with someone I just met/don't know well.
  8.  Financially, I am more mindful when I spend money (Not that I currently have any - haven't held a job since last October...), I see myself thinking about spending money differently due to knowing that Nova has needs on top of my own and that has stopped me from being vulnerable to financial traps, or schemes. 
  9. She interacts with other humans and animals well - establishes boundaries, chooses to play/interact with others if she feels safe/respected, and does NOT attack another being unless her boundaries were not respected, or she was harmed/abused by that person or by someone recently.

Online Resources: "Truth About A Cats Purr"

"One hypothesis is that the purr is a powerful healing action. It’s thought that the vibrations

 from the activity are physically rejuvenating – a way for the cat to ‘heal’ itself after stress. 

The frequency of those vibrations – 

which range from 20Hz up to 150Hz – is thought to promote bone growth, as bones harden 

in response to the pressure. Other frequencies may do something similar to tissue.

Purrs at a frequency of 25-100Hz correspond with established healing frequencies 

in therapeutic medicine for humans," Weitzman says. "Bone responds to 25-50Hz and skin and 

soft tissues to around 100Hz according to researchers."

In reality, it's a form of self-repair. Cats may have adapted their normal behavior – 

The purr has developed as a low-energy way to keep bones and tissues in good condition 

while they rest.

And the purr may not just be of benefit to the cats themselves. Petting a cat has long been seen

as a form of stress relief – cat ownership could

 cut the risk of stroke or heart disease by as much one-third

Those same frequencies cats purr at might also be doing good to us as well.

"I think the purr has a big benefit for humans," says Weitzman. "The physiological benefits

 aside, we’ve always responded to purring's psychological effects. It calms us and pleases us, 

like watching waves against a beach. 

We respond to a cat’s purr as a calming stimulus."

Interesting facts/comparisons between emotional support animals and service animals:

You do NOT need a therapist diagnoses or to certify your ADA service animal in order to take that animal 

with you into ALL public spaces. You do NOT need to answer questions about why you have the service

animal with you beyond the two questions stipulated in their written requirements, and you do NOT have

to articulate your disability to them. You DO have to train them to fulfill a specific healing service before they

are seen as a working animal. They MUST be either a DOG, or a MINIATURE HORSE...

You ARE required a therapist diagnoses documentation in order to have an Emotional Support Animal - and yet,

In most situations, you can be turned away from public spaces and are required to display your personal trauma 

diagnoses to strangers in order to plead your case to be allowed to stay. The ADA does NOT recognize them as

a necessary healing animal, therefore, the disabled person is NOT protected against public discrimination. They

are accepted by Fair Housing Act, CAN be any animal, and are NOT required to be specifically trained to

perform a working task - they intuitively perform a healing service.  

I have been backpack training Nova since the year 2021. Consistently harness and leash training her since 2023,
Training her to ring a bell since 2023, and have been on the receiving end of her intuitive energetic healing
abilities since rescuing her in 2019.  I have witnessed Nova intentionally using purring to help heal her body 
when in recovery for her broken hip. (Unfortunately, an abuser broke her 
hip while we were both living in a transitional home for the aftercare treatment of trafficking survivors.)
 In my experience, cats do not purr randomly, 
or only as a means to communicate a need, but rather, during times of healing meditation,
 to self-regulate their nervous systems, and to help heal, or regulate those they are bonded too. 
On top of the amazing service she lends to me every day, I have had the great pleasure of working to heal
Nova from her many trauma triggers and have seen symptoms in her that mirror my D.I.D Symptoms. 
.
At the end of the day - Nova and I need a safe place to live, a safe job that we can feel passionate about 
working in and one that does not see her as a hinderance but sees her as elevating the environment and 
acknowledges the healing service that we bring to each others lives. Without a job, we will remain: vulnerably 
unsheltered, at risk of  further traumatization and abuse, unjust separation, halted in our quest to recover 
from past traumas, and managing/learning to live a full life with our disabilities. 
I believe in the ADA's origins and it's mission to bring about fuller quality of life by establishing equality 
practices within our established seen world/social structure. I believe in the steps that have already been 
taken by the ADA, and I see ways in which the ADA can change, grow, and create more equality
and acceptance -
which would lead to more liberty within the equality of disabled members of our community. 
.
May myself and others be emboldened to change the seen world to further equality for ALL. 
May Nova and I find a job that we excel in - that we may build our self-confidence in providing a 
healthier quality of life. 
May the ADA help us find a way to accept more animals under their healing service animal agenda,
 and may emotional support animals be recognized as life saving medicine.  
May I continue to educate myself on the varying types of disabilities, seen and invisible, that I may always
 be a person that makes room for, and accepts with love, all types of people/animals. 
May I find compassion in my heart for those members of our society that do not yet see the unhealthy 
limitations, boxes, and acts of discrimination that they are imposing upon some of the vulnerable 
members of our seen world.
May we all live well, acknowledge our privileges, love more openly, and heal our broken pieces. 
-A
Merci, de m'avoir vu.
Gracias, por verme.
Thank you, for seeing me. 


Monday, March 3, 2025

Take It Down Act 03/03/2025

This year marks freedom;

Freedom from fear.

Freedom from being taught to hate someone so much that you would record them in a moment of love and intimacy and exploit them for your own gain.

Freedom to the victims who ate the consequences of those truly responsible.

Freedom from the underground experiment facilities they imprisoned us in.

Freedom from the rape, torture, illegal adoptions and illegal IVF. 

Freedom to those labor trafficked, 

Sex trafficked,

And to those who carry the heavy weight of satanic ritual abuse - I release you from the guilt and shame.

.

Today I am emboldened by our youth. I have been floundering in the sea of my own anguish feeling isolated and alone and today, I feel less alone. 

Thank you Melania Trump and all the other members of her round table of freedom. I feel proud to be an American today. 

I never thought I'd say that after some of what I've experienced as a citizen, from abusive members of the military and from the foster care system. 

With every flap of the proverbial butterfly wing,

The tsunami of freedom is building in energy and strength.

Survivors, 

Warriors,

Those who have lost loved ones to the war,

I love you.

I am emboldened by your strength and resilience.

Thank you for lifting mine, and many others, spirits today and for reminding me that I am not alone. 

#endsexualslavery #yourvoicematters #stayalive #speakup #takeitdown #MakeAmericaFreeAgain

-Aimee Ruth

P.s. I like where the Take it Down initiative is directed. I believe in the education that this will spur in helping our boys to become men. The empowerment it will bring to our girls in becoming women. Now let's think harder about how long our country and the world at large has profited off of the selling and enslavement of humans and animals. 

Im looking at the large billion dollar industries (I'm looking at you Disney).  Why have so many industries, countries, and individuals been allowed to profit off of sex and intimacy with the entire world turning a blind eye? 

How have we not seen the abuse and attack on families with agencies popping up like the "foster care system" that at their roots say that children are better off being raised by someone other than their real mom and dad? (This one gets really complicated because sometimes parents fail hard...so WHY aren't we doing more to help uplift and educate parents - instead of ripping families apart as the solution??)

#familyunity #deathtofostercare #familyeducation #parentalrights #ItTakesAVillage #BreaktheChains 



Wednesday, February 12, 2025

On The Daily

Hi!

Wow, It's nearly Valentines Day...a whole year has passed by and we are not nearly the same people we were then. 

How are you doing?                          I miss you.

We bike almost everywhere we need to go, 

When the hill is too steep to climb we walk,

When are feet give out we rest,

We recover,

Finding new strength to begin again. 

.

I hope you have found the sunlight that evaded you before

I hope you make time for all the activities that you pushed aside

Saying that work came first. 

I hope you are happy.

With her, with you, with your choices.

.

How am I doing?                                   Trapped on an island by molten lava rivers.

I've found myself in a never ending loop of repeating patterns,

One day I am safe - grounded and secure,

The next day I am facing the bitter wind.

My value system does not match those of whom have helped me.

We must part ways... again. 

.

Someday, 

May we meet again,

For the first time,

Finding fresh perspectives,

Grace,

Compassion,

And forgiveness. 

Until then.

Thinking of you,

02/12/2025

P.S. Happy Snow Full Moon.


Sunday, January 19, 2025

Light Within: A Colorful healing Journey

The colors pass through 

Strengthened

Intuition calling us to recognize 

When called upon to transition our healing journey 

From one chakra to the next

Before the timeline designated is up.

.

Freedom in movement 

No one can deny

Take away

Or snuff out.

.

Freedom is a choice

Day in and day out

A choice to stand and fight 

For the earthen space we take up

A choice to safe guard those we have been sent to serve. 

Thank you for protecting us

Your chosen community.

.

Each year

When the solar cycles align 

Solstices designed to spur renewal

We take our time 

Turning inward in spiritual awakening

Focused desire 

Meditation

Arts

Breathing

Nourishment

Light

Shadows

Sounds

Touch

Nova snuggles

All working 

To bring about change.

.

May this Spring Equinox bring about the change necessary to root Freedom deep in the hearts of those asleep to the chains that shackle them. 

May the frozen winter ground hold safe the tiny souls who will spring forth and help life to flourish this Spring Equinox. 

May our gardens grow fiercely, that we may take ownership of the food we need to feed our families.

May we all find our circle of protection. Guardians of family, truth, and light bringers whose purpose it is to expose the deep cold shadows who have ruled untamed for far too long. 

May we all experience love this Spring, that creative inspiration enlighten us to pursue a slow, tender love. 

.

May you thrive in your service to others,

 

Monday, December 30, 2024

Monday, December 23, 2024

Happy Solstice New Year to Us!

 Happy Solstice Aimee,

Today I took the family to DreamScapes to paint a mural. Baby Sister decided she was ready to paint her portion. She sang a few songs and hummed to herself as she got her hands messy in the paint. Her favorite colors to use were orange and red. She says she wants to paint again next time we go, so that she can finish. I am so proud of her and the way she has handled meeting our other parts. She is brave with scary things, like saying hi to spiders, walking in the dark, and being away from Nova. 

I got to add detail to my part of the mural. We added the second layer of paint. The books look especially cool and it was fun to shape the dimension of the mural with the extra rock garden details. 

It feels so amazing to paint again. To paint in a more serious way. 

To Express ourselves on the wall. 

We took time to chat with new friends. Artists that work on the rest of Dreamscapes. It's been fun to be around new friends that are individual, kind, creative, generous, self-loving, and good at healthy boundaries. 

Grateful to have passed the new year celebrating with all our pieces working together, in balanced harmony by the fire. 2025 is looking like it's going to be a really fantastic year. Filled with love, creative compassion, and strong family bonds. 

I am happy to have you as a piece of us, and hope that you know how much everyone loves you. 

All my love,

-Aimes

12/21/24

(12/23/24)

Sunday, November 10, 2024

Selfish Justice For All

Today I was pulled back to my bed with the allure of morning psychic snuggles with a past passion flame. What I loved most about him visiting me was the great amount of respect I felt from his offer. He did not blindly take over my mind with pornographic thoughts, but rather, gently pulled me into his arms and nuzzled his nose against mine. 

A refreshing change from the past him I have known. 

The Etta James song, "Sunday Kind of Love" came to mind and after enjoying a few soft moments snuggling I turned the song on and went downstairs to do the dishes. He followed me down observing the way that I enjoy singing and dancing while I wash dishes. I never showed him this side of me. 

We never fully opened up to each other, exposing all sides of ourselves. To do that takes time, and great healing. It is un accomplishable with a one night stand; Our unfortunate first meeting. 

I am sorry for seeing him when I looked at you. For thinking of him when we intimately connected. My feelings for you eventually took their own roots growing into their own authentic feelings. The initial treachery still took place. 

I know you want forgiveness for selling us. You asked my permission to record every time we bedded each other. Each time I said, "no" I tried to trust that you were honorably listening. I desired to believe in your ability to choose me, us and freedom from the evil powers that promise temporary salvation. 

Red flags connecting you and my foster family caused fear to grow inside me. 

What is stopping me from finding a warrior that cannot be bought?

What is holding me back from having boundaries that will separate me from those who wish to enslave me in their will?

I can feel your desire to heal and to make things right. I encourage you to remove yourself of all you have gained off the sweat of others. 

Not only justice for me or for us; Justice for all. 

Come to me with nothing but your honor and your willingness to connect authentically in a space of truthful healing, desire to grow together, a creative capacity to flourish through change and I will contemplate our compatibility. 

I am working to bring deep peace to my soul. 

I wish the same for you. 

You have many qualities I admire. Sexually speaking, I do not have to explain in any large way how you satisfy me, that part came naturally. 

You are good at speaking to my soul. I fondly remember time spent talking with you, laughing with you. 

I love your drive to make something of yourself - The few moments we lightly argued on set about the way snow might or might not look in a realistic setting showed me that we have the ability to challenge each other well. 

Outside of the bedroom, I really don't know what you like about me. I do not feel secure that I was able to show you anything concrete to hold onto. Did I ever get the chance to show you anything about myself that could one day bring you back to me? 

Have I ever shown the dimensions of my soul to a lover that would draw them to fully choose me over the allure of gaining a profit off of me? 

Shadow work still left to do, I see. 

It hurt my heart when you withdrew connection and left an eternal space between us. Rihanna's "California King Bed" lyrics come to mind. It hurt when you only reached out to connect sexually and that you never saw more substance within me - or never found reasons to miss me. I used my hurt to withdraw from you in turn. Creating a boundary that stopped me from ever entering your bed again. 

If we find our way back to one another I hope we never lose our authentic voice within the process. I hope we forever challenge one another regardless of wether it ever moves to a greater level of intimacy than friendship. I hope to teach each other through the art of discussion and to spread love, peace, and blessings. 

Sending all my best,

P.s. "Want to see my art?" Isn't an invitation to have sex. I actually create art and I'm very proud of it. I'm even quite selective on who I show it to. :)

P.s.s. What is something you would show me, if you ever got the chance?

11/10/2024