It has only been a few months sense my last post and still it feels as if I have experienced a whole years worth of emotions, experiences, highs and lows. I finally got around to dating again which was a good step for me in the scope of things. When I opened my heart up to someone again I found myself growing and learning new things about myself that I hadn't seen there before. For instance, I enjoy my personal time very much. When you are around another person every day and you go from sharing none of your time to almost all of your time with them it becomes very suffocating and hard to know what ideas are solely yours and which are theirs. I also found that once two people decide to be completely committed to one another it becomes an understood thing that marriage is on the table....or at least that is what happened in this example.
It is hard for me to not consider marriage when I like someone. Hard not to look at that person and say "Could I have children with him?", "How would he react if I locked myself out of the house?", "Could I live with his mannerisms for the rest of my life?", "Is he on my same spiritual level, or at least shooting for spiritual growth everyday?"
I am in no way ready for marriage again and don't see myself being ready for some years to come, however, I do think it is important for me to understand how to properly date in order to become ready for marriage.
Personally there are a few things that are important to contemplate when deciding to date someone. Is there physical attraction? Does your religious standing match theirs? Do interests align? Do you both have individual parts of you that can remain personal or would you quickly morph into one person? Do passion levels about life and interests align? Do you enjoy the same foods and are they fun to eat with? How do they treat their family members and how do they see themselves within their already established family unit? Are they educated? Finally, is there a consistent and ever growing spark that excites you about a possible future with that person?
I understand that those aren't going to be important to everyone but for me I find that most of those questions need to be carefully looked at before I can fully be happy inside a relationship. This also may make me seem like I take dating too seriously and don't have much fun but that isn't true. I find that I can be someones friend before I fully attach physically which makes for way more fun on a more consistent basis as well as allowing respect to be established on both ends. When respect is present you both can keep growing individually and therefor will be able to enjoy time spent together more fully.
I am no expert on love, or dating or how to date best. In fact up until my Annulment was finalized I was a weaker individual when it came to understanding what I needed from a partner or even a date. I was consistently disrespected, used and misunderstood. Boo hoo right?? Ha ha. I had to learn not to allow myself to get lost in that other person before I could understand how to gain respect. It was a hard process, especially being raised in a Latter Day Saint home. In the LDS church members are taught to love others as Christ loves us. Well Christ gave his life for us, so are we than expected to give our lives for those we love, or is it more metaphorical? I believe it to be circumstantial and than some. If I have something of worth I can offer someone I should offer it if I see it could uplift them and allow them to feel Gods love for them.
How than does that come into play if I am dating someone. Should I give and give and give until I have nothing left to give to that person? What worth would I than be to ANYONE if I gave all that I had and was left with nothing. Jesus Christ gave his life for us so that we would not have to. He gave his life so that we could come to know the worth of our own. When in the dating phase of life try not to forget that in order to give to others you also must give to yourself.
Fill up that emotional gas tank in order to have enough fuel to make it to your final destination; Marriage. :)
In the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saint's 'True to the Faith' booklet I came across this passage.
"Look for a companion of your own faith. Look for someone you can always honor and respect, someone who will complement you in your life. Before you marry, be sure you have found someone to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty."
I think it is important to note that last part, "...be sure you have found someone to whom you CAN give your entire heart.." not someone to whom you have already given your heart.
I want to say that the views expressed here on this Blog are my own and unless quoted directly they are the musings of me Aimee Smith and not to be taken out of context. I wish you all happy dating adventures :)
