Finding Someone Broken

          It has been far too long sense I have let myself sit down and write. I miss it, terribly. In the quiet parts of my mind I probably thought that I didn't need it anymore, that writing was the way I healed myself and I am healed now so why take so much time to write. I know that the Lord asked me to start writing when I did and that he is asking me to continue writing now.

         Sinse my last post I have found myself still living in Utah, working a full time job and happily married with a sweet puppy named Tiger Lily. My heart soars at the mention of my handsome, patient, loving, kind husband. I met him while working at Chick-Fil-A one year ago this April. To this day we both would agree that the first words he ever spoke to me were; "Hi, Im Travis!" I cant help but smile when I think about the kind of people we both were when our lives started to intertwine.

         I was heading strait into life with an ambition to travel and experience as much as possible for myself. To grow and learn as much as I could so that I could really know myself and love myself. I had just returned from Boston, where I was a nanny for 5 amazing children, and I felt no limits to who I could be, what I was capable of and what I wanted out of life.

        Travis had returned home from a mission for The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints in January of this same year and so exuded many missionary like qualities. Even so, he was unlike any man I had ever met and I was astounded at how much I wanted to learn about him.

         Our first date was simple. He picked me up from my apartment in Downtown Salt Lake City and opened my door for me. He took me to Zao, an Asian inspired American restaurant and opened my door again for me. They serve these tantalizing Asian Tacos which are to die for. After dinner,he continued to open my door for me and tried to take me ice skating but failed due to the ice rink not being open. He felt flustered and dumb for not having planned better and I just laughed while he opened my car door for me... again!

        In my opinion life happens and its most impressive when I can see what people do with the broken pieces of life rather than with a perfect piece, one which has never been changed or altered in order to stay perfect and whole.

         He let me decide what activity we did next as he already felt discouraged with his planning abilities. I chose Mini Golf.

         I learned about him on that date. Him, his dad and brother like to golf every once in a while in order to bond. I learned that he liked to stare a lot at me as if he was still figuring me out. As if he had never seen someone like me before. I learned that he loses well, haha, and that he can still enjoy a date even after losing to his said 'date.' I learned that he gets nervous and scared to say the wrong thing, not wanting to upset me. I learned as we sat in Iceberg eating our empire state tall ice cream shakes that he has a milk intolerance. I learned that he likes to put all the effort he can into a date in order to make the woman know how much he appreciated her going out with him. I learned on that date that I had finally chosen to let a man take me out for a good time and that it was the most wonderful experience of my life.

         Since our first date we have had many opportunities for him to open my car door for me. Now I will admit it took some getting used to. But with his constant persistence, utter dedication and consistency I finally expect and count on him to open my door for me. It makes him the happiest man in the whole wide world.

        I cannot imagine life without a smile on my face, the smile that he puts there every single day. I cannot imagine life without waking up to him softly wishing me a good morning while holding me in his arms. I cannot imagine a life where we were never together. This is what the power of the Atonement is all about. The Atonement doesn't only work when we have sinned and need to personally be forgiven but it works all the time with whatever is hurting you. Whether a divorce, death, sickness, a deep cut on the hand from a box cutter at work.....cough, cough ( I just barely did that... had to have 5 stitches.) The Lord wants to heal you. He wants you to find that broken someone inside of yourself and hold it out to him saying: "I am ready Lord, help me be whole again, help me smile again."

       I cannot say that after two years of being separated from my ex husband that I do not have crippling fear come over me. That I do not fall to my knees praying for the Lord to help me through hard memories or the struggles of learning and growing inside of a new and different marriage. I cannot say that I have no use for the Atonement and that my life circumstances are such that I don't need it every single day that I am living because I DO NEED IT. I need HIM in my life whether I am the happiest I have ever been or the saddest. I need him point blank. I never could have received the blessings from him when I was crumpled up on the floor and thought I was going to die if I had not sought out his love before I knew of my most imminent danger.
I bear my most humble testimony that the Lord lives, that he loves YOU and that he loves.