*My Story**Chapter Three*

As I looked up into the sky, late one afternoon, I wondered where God was at that very moment. Was he noticing my reflective mood and wanting to communicate with me or was he busy with the millions of other people who are less fortunate than I? He was with me, He always is. In fact he is always with all of his righteous sons and daughters. I sat up from the summer grass for a moment to scribble in my journal, I love to journal, than began to reflect once more on the decision I was about to make. God... Is Marshal the man I am meant to marry?
Yes I had only known Marshal for a short time but already it felt like we would be happy together. We could go dancing together as I have always had a passion for dance and Marshal had that same passion for dance only just West Coast Swing. I didn't mind what style of dance just as long as we danced. We could travel together to places like Spain and Norway. I have always dreamt of being in the heart of Spain learning of there culture and falling in love with serving the people. Marshal had an adopted sister who had taken him to Norway once and he desperately wanted to go back. He even had a tattoo in Norwegian which read "wisdom, courage, serenity" We could grow closer to God together, that was the most exciting aspect of choosing Marshal as my husband. I wanted to have an eternal love with someone I trusted and I trusted Marshal. He was always there for me, always talking to me, always wanting to be close with me through skype. I was growing closer to God and Marshal and I loved waking up each day to both so ingrained in my heart.
There was something about Marshal that I just could not understand. One night in July right before he came out to propose I felt the need to allow my fiance to understand more of my spotted past. I had not always chosen the right in regards to the law of chastity but I had still saved my virtue for only one man, my future husband. Regardless of me saving that most precious part of me I had sinned in other ways and felt the need to allow Marshal to understand all of me. He was outraged and let me know it. I took a walk so as not to alarm my parents as Marshal continued to rip me to shreds with his words. I was a numb mess with endless tears as he made me feel terrible for all the things I had ever done in my life. "I have repented Marshal, I have taken all to the bishop and I have been found worthy and clean, why is my past, which had nothing to do with you, so hard for you to forgive and still love me through?" He told me he could not stand the thought of me with other men and that he did not think he could be married to someone who had messed up in life. I was devastated, heartbroken, a piece of trash on the side of the curb ready to be swept up by the garbage truck. As I sat on the curb I told Marshal "You are not the man I have come to love if you truly feel this way, I have repented of my sins and have always been completely honest with you. It is your choice to let this tear us apart or to get over yourself and not be so judgmental." He just continued to make me feel worse about myself saying that I had led him to believe I was a better person than I was and that he did not know if he could move past this. "Than I will not marry you Marshal, for I need someone who can love me unconditionally and you obviously deserve someone better than me." That seemed to calm him down and he began to change his mind saying " As long as this is all the truth and there is no more surprises than I can marry you and I can forgive you for this." 
How could someone be so perfect? Marshal had really never fooled around with anyone, had never gotten drunk with his friends and never tried drugs? Something did not sit right in my soul but I was not sure why. My fiance really was a wonderful person. He had his moments of red blooded anger but he had good reason. For he had served as an American Army Ranger and had seen more blood and carnage than any human being should be able to see and still be semi normal. I was ready for the challenge of being with a man with so much baggage and I needed to just remember that he loved me and that we could work on it together.
 Marshal came out the weekend of July 12-14 the 12 being my birthday. My heart was filled with joy at the thought of being able to celebrate my birthday with him. However, his flight made it to Salt Lake at 1 am on the 13th and so missed my birthday. I was disappointed but knew that it was just his delayed flight to blame. We went to his hotel room and cuddle together just giggling and talking about how much we had missed each other. He talked about a few training exercises that his team had been through and that they might be going on a mission sometime in the next few weeks. My heart sank but I did not say anything knowing that it would upset him. I wanted him to know how much I supported him in case he decided to stay in the job. Than I mentioned that I needed my engagement ring for our engagement pictures tomorrow and he just teased and said "But what if I want to give it to you Sunday before I leave?" I could not wait and I made it known " Marshal, please? I am so excited to be wearing your ring! Please don't make me wait till Sunday." He said he would think about it and started talking about other things. He was stalling ;) I knew the sight well and patiently went along with his game until he finally took the ring from his curled up hand and asked me to marry him. I started to cry and said YES! I smiled with happiness as he slipped the ruby ring onto my left hand. It was official, official and it felt so good.
The next morning he dressed in his AC U's and we headed off to the Cook family reunion/ engagement shoot at Jordanelle Reservoir. It was so much fun! The family had all brought yummy food, played fun games, and best of all we took some paddle boats on the water. My cousin Ashley Rubisch agreed to take our engagement photos and what fun they were to take. At the end of the day Marshal said he did not want to stay for the fireworks due to his PTSD but that it was up to me. I wanted to stay so badly, for firework shows are my favorite but I also did not want Marshal to suffer. I was not deciding so Marshal got frustrated with me and said lets just go back to the hotel. I agreed and we left. When we finally made it back I was so tired that I fell asleep in his arms and he was sweet to let me rest. When I woke up several hours later I asked if he had fallen asleep too but he had not. "I don't sleep well because of everything I have been through, but I stayed right here by your side the whole time." I knew it would not be a good idea to tempt ourselves and have me stay the night even with two beds in the room so I stayed a little past midnight and than headed home. The next morning I picked him up and went back to my parents place to visit and to let him say goodbye to everyone before I took him to the airport. Ah! Was he leaving already? Alas, he was and it was bitter sweet. Marshal and I had talked about trying to save as much money as possible for our wedding and so had agreed to not fly out and visit one another until it was time for our wedding. 
Sometimes love can grow fonder from a distance and so we had faith that this would be our case as we took our journey till the final hour......**To be Continued**