Sometimes when I let my mind wander I realize my worth and my potential and I cant help but cry. How could I have let myself down by marrying someone who appreciated me so little and how was that ever going to be enough for me?
I love my Heavenly Father with the most intense love possible. I cannot imagine a world without his Atonement and a way to be joined for Eternity with those that truly love me. My heart is so full and I have a constant prayer in my heart that I will not let myself down again. That I can be a strong, loving, selfless daughter of God who can keep moving forward towards my goals and dreams.
My heart aches for an eternal family centered around Christ and I pray with all of my heart that I can someday have that blessing of undying love and devotion from a worthy man of God who will live up to his temple covenants and who will bless our children with the Holy Priesthood. I cannot express adequately the respect and adoration I have for those men out there who are keeping there standards high and treating woman right. We, woman of God, are heavenly queens sent here to raise a righteous seed unto our Heavenly Father and to help them achieve their own testimony and to someday return home to our Heavenly Father.
Men, please do not forget who we are and why we are essential to His plan and that he loves us. I know that I have not completed my account of my failed marriage but I pray that I will be able to record it accurately and the way the lord would have me do. I was in the deepest depths of despair and the Lord saved my life. I have a depth of gratitude that cannot be described and I know that the lord is aware of my love for him and I can feel His love in return.
I will always be eternally grateful to my earthly parents who came and on the Lords errand saved me physically. I am strong, beautiful, and worth something because of the Lord, His son Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost, my earthly father and mother, my siblings, and my own Testimony. I know Joseph Smith was called of God and that he did indeed see God the Father and Jesus Christ. I know that he did indeed translate the Book of Mormon and I know that it is another testament of Jesus Christ.
I believe in this Gospel, I believe it to be true and I am incandescently happy to be a Latter Day Saint woman.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
Sometimes
All too soon the dress was bought, the cake tasting over and the venue booked. I count myself blessed to have a wonderful loving mother who is amazing at planning weddings.
With her keeping me on schedule we had everything done 3 weeks prior to our wedding date and it left room for growth within our long distance romance.There were of course minor disagreements such as me suggesting he wear a nice tux on the wedding day and Marshal throwing a fit while accusing me of not caring enough about his army career to ask him to wear his dress greens...Me wanting a Smith sized wedding reception which easily goes over 200 people any day and Marshal wanting a small back yard gathering...And the best one of all was how Marshal kept asking me if me moving to Georgia was really what I wanted. He brought it up at least three times and every time said something to this effect, "Aimee you can always have a few months with your parents if you aren't ready to move just yet..." Excuse me? I love the man but really? He needed to stop saying we could live apart and that he missed me all in the same day.
Besides the small squabbles that can accompany a budding relationship there was one in particular that I should have paid more attention too. The time apart did make us miss each other very much but it still left no excuse for Marshal to ask me to fly down to Georgia and sleep with him. He would sneak the invitation in when I was always in the most vulnerable states. It made me angry and a little on edge. Our goal was to be married in the Salt Lake Temple why was he wanting to throw all of that away for a few nights of "fun." I tried my best to talk him down and to remind him of the blessings we would receive if we did our marriage right, we could have each other for Eternity. He would than back peddle and agree with me...but really if you agree with someone deep in your heart do you really bring it up again? Do you try to beguile them into your will and not the Fathers? It was my blind faith and love that blinded me for the worse unfortunately and it would only be a matter of time before I unearthed a more bitter guile that would tear my world apart.
Sometimes though it is the Fathers will to think the best of someone. Sometimes it is His will to experience an utter and complete happiness and than an utter and destructive sadness. Sometimes walking blindly is okay and sometimes Faith is all He wants you to have.
With her keeping me on schedule we had everything done 3 weeks prior to our wedding date and it left room for growth within our long distance romance.There were of course minor disagreements such as me suggesting he wear a nice tux on the wedding day and Marshal throwing a fit while accusing me of not caring enough about his army career to ask him to wear his dress greens...Me wanting a Smith sized wedding reception which easily goes over 200 people any day and Marshal wanting a small back yard gathering...And the best one of all was how Marshal kept asking me if me moving to Georgia was really what I wanted. He brought it up at least three times and every time said something to this effect, "Aimee you can always have a few months with your parents if you aren't ready to move just yet..." Excuse me? I love the man but really? He needed to stop saying we could live apart and that he missed me all in the same day.
Besides the small squabbles that can accompany a budding relationship there was one in particular that I should have paid more attention too. The time apart did make us miss each other very much but it still left no excuse for Marshal to ask me to fly down to Georgia and sleep with him. He would sneak the invitation in when I was always in the most vulnerable states. It made me angry and a little on edge. Our goal was to be married in the Salt Lake Temple why was he wanting to throw all of that away for a few nights of "fun." I tried my best to talk him down and to remind him of the blessings we would receive if we did our marriage right, we could have each other for Eternity. He would than back peddle and agree with me...but really if you agree with someone deep in your heart do you really bring it up again? Do you try to beguile them into your will and not the Fathers? It was my blind faith and love that blinded me for the worse unfortunately and it would only be a matter of time before I unearthed a more bitter guile that would tear my world apart.
Sometimes though it is the Fathers will to think the best of someone. Sometimes it is His will to experience an utter and complete happiness and than an utter and destructive sadness. Sometimes walking blindly is okay and sometimes Faith is all He wants you to have.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)