Did You Ever Just Wonder (Originally written 03/2015. Edited 02/20/2023)

    I've been thinking lately about my marriage, the healing route I took, and how Christ has played a part in all of that. When I was with Marshal it was a no brainer that church would be attended, our covenants kept, and our home centered upon Christ. It was, at least, second nature to me. 

    I wish I could have seen that earlier in our courtship, because then I would have seen that we wanted two very different things out of life, marriage, family and eternity. Something I always told myself was that I would never be one of those Jaded divorced women who go make rash decisions, or stop progressing forward inside the church. I wanted to stay strong, faithful and encourage others that life can be happy and healthy when you stay close to the Savior. 

    well, what happens when you start to doubt everything that you have tried so hard for? What happens when you are sitting inside of one of Gods biggest natural wonders, The Grand Canyon, looking up into the un-countable stars, and you forget why you had a testimony or why it meant anything to you. I have recently experienced this, meditating inside the Grand Canyon, and staring into the un-countable stars. 

    I can also say that it terrified me. My whole life I have been taught that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true, that Joseph Smith was indeed the Prophet who restored the True Church onto the earth again, that the savior loves me, that he died for me and that I can return to live with him again someday. 

    Something I was not taught about, however, is what to do when the testimony that you grew up developing just up and disappears.