Am I Awake?, An Original Poem by: Aimee R. P.

An unconscious divide between dreaming 

and reality. Curled up in my mind,

A tiny, frail minded version of myself

                                  Looking to rebuild.

What does it mean to be awake?

Consciously dreaming

A time and space that is my own.

 

Will I wake up?

have I been asleep too long: 

                              Dipping, zoning, diving

Plummeting to my death?

How does one measure awake?

Is it measurable?

Does it stand on its own

Firm as a tree.

Subconscious tells me yes,

conscious mind says no,

                            Too much for today.

Will I truly count myself awake among the heavens?

Floating through purple cosmic space clouds

And singing on the moon?

Perhaps I will bound from one space rock

to the next playing violin

                                              Loud enough

For earth to wake up too.

They say, 'you are awake.'

I doubt their words.

They say, 'rest well, I love you.'

This makes my insides scream.

How does one measure love,

If one cannot measure awake?

Birth; Trauma.

Child's play; Trauma.

Sleep; Trauma.

You are now accountable; Trauma.

You are old enough to do that on your own

                                                  Trauma.

It's all in your head; Trauma.

Don't talk about this to anyone; Trauma.

You tempted him; Trauma.

Marriage is the way; Trauma.

I love you; Trauma.

Prostitution built this nation; Trauma.

Slavery built this nation; Trauma.

Normalized trafficking; Trauma.

I did not consent; Trauma.

Your ideas are mine; Trauma.

I can no longer claim two white veils.

Third times the charm used up in infancy,

                      He suffered too; Trauma.

Let's see if we can make her scream,

                               Cry, or rage; Trauma.

It's just the way it is; Trauma.

Do you really want me to stop; Trauma.

Am I fully awake?

How does one know

Since sleep has predominated the

battlefield?

Awake is foreign

Powerful,

The sun as it pushes past the mountain

Declaring a new day.

Awake is lonely.

Resigned to walk the path I set for myself

before birth.

I can only blame myself.

Society does not allow for blame to fall on 

him, them or other.

Only her. 

You chose this; Trauma

You chose our family; Trauma

You chose to be hit; Trauma

You chose to get married; Trauma

You chose to leave; Strength

You chose to rebuild; Strength

You chose to try again; Strength

You chose to forgive; Strength

You chose to love yourself; Strength

You chose to find yourself; Strength

You chose to wake up; Strength

You chose to wake up;

                                         Power.

-A